In every team, emotions play a quiet but powerful role. When we ignore feelings—our own or others'—the team may look successful on the outside, but at its roots, something falters. Emotional avoidance in groups often shows up as tension, reduced trust, and missed opportunities for growth. We believe that facing emotional avoidance head-on unlocks genuine connection and consistent progress.
Understanding emotional avoidance in teams
Emotional avoidance is when individuals or groups sidestep, bury, or minimize difficult emotions to keep the peace or avoid discomfort. In teams, this often leads to silent retreats from conflict, vague feedback, or meetings full of unspoken anxieties. While it may seem easier in the short run to focus only on tasks and deadlines, unaddressed feelings quietly undermine cooperation, clarity, and the joy of shared purpose.
We've seen teams drift apart, decisions get delayed, and creativity freeze—all because no one dares to acknowledge what's felt below the surface. The cost can be subtle, yet the impact endures until a conscious choice is made to do something differently.
The silent cost of avoidance
Every time a frustration goes unspoken or a disappointment is brushed aside, it adds to an invisible weight carried by the team. Over time, this can look like:
- Lower honesty in team meetings
- Mistrust or second-guessing intentions
- Unaddressed conflicts resurfacing later
- Less engagement and commitment
- Decisions based more on fear than clarity
Emotional avoidance never solves itself—it either quietly undermines the team or erupts unexpectedly, often at the worst moment.
Seven strategies to confront emotional avoidance
Turning towards emotional honesty in teams is not an overnight task. It requires consistent attention, clear agreements, and committed leadership—formal or informal. Here are seven strategies we have found reliable to help teams confront emotional avoidance.
- Normalize talking about emotions
The first step is simple: make discussing feelings an expected and accepted part of teamwork. We encourage regular check-ins where each member can share not just progress, but how they are truly doing.
When emotions are named, they lose their grip on us.
This doesn’t mean turning meetings into therapy. A sentence or two—“I’m a bit frustrated by delays”—is often enough. When leaders and team members show that emotions are safe to express, others follow.
- Set clear agreements for psychological safety
Emotional honesty thrives when people know they won’t be shamed, punished, or ridiculed for being real. We work with teams to create psychological safety agreements: how do we treat each other when things get tough? What do we do if someone crosses a line?
- Agree to listen without interrupting
- Ban personal attacks or blame
- Give space for everyone, not just the loudest
When safety is clear, silence loses its power.
- Model vulnerability at the top
No strategy works if leaders won’t walk the talk. When we notice leaders say, “I’m struggling with this decision” or “I made a mistake,” it sets a tone. Vulnerability isn’t a weakness. It invites collaboration and learning.
Teams copy what leaders dare to do first.
- Use structured emotional check-ins
We sometimes add a regular check-in at the start of meetings. Each member answers a question such as, “How are you arriving in this meeting?” or “What’s just beneath the surface for me today?” This structure matters—it prevents the conversation from getting lost or someone dominating.
- Go around the table (virtual or real)
- Everyone shares, no interruptions
- Short, honest, no over-explaining
Even a 5-minute check-in can shift the whole meeting.
- Offer emotional literacy training
Some teams avoid feelings just because they lack words to name them. We found that a little learning about emotional vocabulary and what different feelings signal goes a long way.
When teams know how to notice and name emotions, avoidance drops away naturally.
Short workshops, simple tools (like feeling cards or emotion wheels), and group practice help make feeling-talk normal and unthreatening.
- Bring in outside facilitation when needed
Sometimes, the patterns of avoidance are deeply rooted or involve past team wounds. In those cases, a neutral facilitator—whether internal or external—can help teams move through stuck places.
The facilitator’s role is not to judge or “fix,” but to create a container for honest sharing that feels safer than trying it alone. This step is especially useful when you feel the team stuck but can’t name why.
- Celebrate courage and learning from emotion
Small acknowledgments can shift the team climate. We always make a point to notice when someone takes a risk or brings up a hard feeling. “Thank you for sharing that” or “I appreciate your honesty” sends a subtle message: this is how we do things here.
Courage is contagious.
Over time, these moments make sharing feel less risky and more routine.
What changes when emotional avoidance is confronted?
Teams that learn to face emotions together often see new creativity, deeper trust, and an ease in problem-solving that is otherwise unreachable. Open emotions do not make teams soft; they make them strong, grounded, and ready for real challenges. When emotional avoidance fades, invisible barriers drop and everyone feels more present and valued. Productivity, satisfaction, and true connection move together when honesty is the norm.
Conclusion
Emotional avoidance in teams will not dissolve with wishful thinking or slogans. It takes consistent and conscious choices. Through normalizing feelings, building safety, modeling vulnerability, and practical habits for emotional honesty, teams move from silent disconnection to shared energy and purpose.
The next meeting or conversation is a new chance. We know from our experience: shifts begin with one person daring to name what matters, and others responding with respect. When emotional honesty becomes a way of working, the team’s capability and impact flourish—together.
Frequently asked questions
What is emotional avoidance in teams?
Emotional avoidance in teams happens when members or leaders dodge discussing, feeling, or noticing difficult emotions in themselves or each other. It is a habit of steering away from tension, disappointment, or conflict to keep things “smooth.” While this seems to maintain peace in the short term, it results in lack of trust, unresolved disputes, and less satisfaction for everyone involved.
How can teams confront emotional avoidance?
Teams can confront emotional avoidance by creating open space for feelings, establishing psychological safety, and using structured tools like check-ins. Leaders can support by modeling vulnerability and offering words for emotions. Training in emotional literacy and facilitation for sticky moments will make it easier to talk about what matters, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Why is emotional avoidance harmful for teams?
Emotional avoidance blocks honest feedback, trust, and growth within the team. Problems fester, conflicts stay unresolved, and teams misread signals, leading to errors or lost opportunities. The result is often lower commitment, disconnection, and a team climate where motivation withers over time.
What are the best strategies to use?
Some of the best strategies to use include: making emotions normal to discuss, building safety agreements, having leaders show vulnerability, adding check-ins, promoting emotional literacy, engaging neutral facilitators if needed, and celebrating open, honest conversations. These approaches reinforce each other, creating lasting change over time.
How do I start emotional conversations at work?
We suggest starting small: find a moment to add a question like, “How are you feeling about this project?” or “Can we pause to name how we’re experiencing this change?” Model your own feelings honestly, even if briefly, and invite others to share at their comfort level. Over time, these invitations set a new standard for emotional honesty at work.
